Women today fully participate in the workforce. But many find themselves so focused on their careers that they never learned how to find a good man for a long-term relationship rather than just having sex with men and feeling unfulfilled afterward. This is a new series to help assist women in how to find a good partner, how to become a good partner, and how to achieve a successful long-term relationship.
Why am I releasing this?
Working as a successful businesswoman who also has a successful marriage, I am often asked by other women about relationship advice. My husband and I have been together for 26 years.
What made me stand out from all the other women my husband dated previously?
Before meeting me, Richard (my husband) was having fun dating women in Toronto, Canada. The city is ethnically very diverse so he enjoyed trying all the different flavors of women, he says. It gets easy for men as they age and his ex-girlfriends included lawyers, doctors, and other professional women. So, I used to ask him when he ended up marrying me -- a nanny who couldn’t speak proper English? My English was so bad that I didn’t know the difference between male and female. I would call guys “she” and women “him.”
He says the first thing that really made me stand out on our first date is that I asked him out and paid the bill. Richard often complained that too many women demand equal rights but run away from equal responsibilities when it comes to modern dating. As well, he was flattered that a girl asked him out because it showed she was interested in more than just a free meal she could tell her friends about. It also showed him that I would be a real partner in his life and not a liability.
The second thing he says that was important was being natural. I dressed simply – without much make-up, jewelry or accessories. I also didn’t wear high heels. I wore a modest long skirt and a sleeveless white shirt with my hair tied back. He says many women seem to dress to impress other women by over doing it. They don’t realize that men find overly made-up women to be a pain. They seem superficial and it takes too long for them to get ready to do anything. And, who wants to kiss a girl when you get a mouth full of industrial chemicals that she plastered on her face – it tastes terrible and smells nothing like a woman.
The third thing that made me stand out was that I let him talk. I asked Richard lots of questions that not only made him enjoy himself but also gave me all the information I needed to make a decision whether or not this is a guy I wanted to see again. At this time I was 27 and I was looking to settle down. I didn’t want to waste any time. If he isn’t someone I plan on marrying then there is no point on seeing him again.
What made my husband stand out from other men?
I was referred to Richard by a good friend of mine so going into the first date I already knew who I was meeting. I knew that he was single, intelligent, talked big, and was handsome. The only negatives my friend said was that he was boring and cheap. I know for some women these are show-stoppers but it is important to have an open mind and people can change depending on who they are with.
Meeting him, the first thing I liked is that he values his time and body. He doesn’t smoke. He didn’t drink much – at couple beers with his friends. He also never watched tv and instead would listen to motivational speakers and take courses to become better. He was a guy who cultivated his brain and skills. As a woman who went from being a nanny to running my own employment agency, I knew that I wanted a partner who I could count on to be successful with his life I saw potential in Richard.
The second thing that stood out was his family values. He grew up very close to his parents who never divorced. His mother was somewhat like me -- an immigrant and a bit naïve and gullible. His relationship with his parents gave me insight into what I could expect from a relationship with him.
The third thing that made my husband stand out was his career focus. At the time he was 29 and was an IT manager at an engineering company. He was excited about what he did and enjoyed talking about it. It showed intelligence, competence, and drive. When he shared with me how he works it showed that he was a quality man who thinks how he can help his company rather than just being an employee. He takes initiative to do what he can to help out and adds value.